The Village

"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles." Psalm 34:17

I don’t think I’ve ever in my life seen as much suffering and poverty than I have in the past 3 days. We went to one of the most poverty stricken villages right outside the gates of the orphanage.  I have always known and heard stories of people suffering from poverty but this was beyond my imagination. The homes are about the size of my bathroom and they are made of mud and sticks.  There is no electricity, no running water, and no food in the village. The kids are not clothed and most of them are deathly sick from malnutrition. The average Haitian eats one meal every three days, and on a good day maybe every two. As I walked through I saw some older men and women who are starving, just shriveled up with their head in their hands just waiting for their time to be up. Karris and I got to go in some of the homes. It was literally like sticking your whole body in the oven. Every time I get close to a fire or a heat wave I usually back up cause it’s hard to breath. Well that is how they live. I could barely be in one of the homes for about 3 minutes, to know that there is a family in there is mind blowing. 

We were able to give the mother (who is very sick) some formula for her baby, which was such an amazing moment. We are the Lords hands and feet and to know that we were able to provide for that family through God was incredible. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to see or walk through and it broke me down and opened my eyes in every way possible, but I kept on singing to God as I was holding the kids hands, and looking into their eyes, “Nothing is impossible for you, you hold the world in your hands.” God has the power to heal the sick, help the blind, give to the poor, and make beautiful things out of suffering, and I know that His hand is at work through it all.

Last night when I got back to my hotel in Dajabon, I had no air conditioning, my fan broke and I was soaked in sweat. I had to change my clothes about three times. But in that moment I was grateful. I was grateful that at least I had a roof over my head; at least I have a family who is healthy and who is there for me. At least I have water to drink and food to eat. And even though I was sick during the night I had tons of medicine with me and eventually it went away. These children don’t have any of those things. No clothes, no food, no water, and most of them have very sick parents.  And when these babies and families are sick, they have nothing to heal them other than God. It makes your heartbreak but it makes you thank God even more for the little things in life. Although our lives are very different and I can’t even begin to know what a full day is like in the village, I know that one thing remains the same; that is our love for Jesus Christ. 

We are all one family, we much to be willing for hurt for each other, pray for each other, fight for each other, and provide for one another. And through all of that, we must give thanks and praise to our heavenly Father.  I am forever changed.

He knows My Cam!

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

This morning at devotionals I was asked if I had a God moment yesterday. I feel like I have one with every single child I interact with. But one particular boy stood out to me, Johnny. He always comes up to me right when I walk through the gate in the morning. He always looks at me and just grins from ear to ear. Yesterday I sat down with him and showed Him a picture of my sisters and me. He pointed straight to Cam, and He had a confused look on His face. I said, “That’s my twin Cameron.” He grabbed the picture out of my hand and just started staring at Cam’s face. At that moment I wanted to know His story. Where he came from, what he’s been through, and how God has worked in His life. Later that day Karris and I were with Johnny and she started to tell me His story. He was rescued from Port-au-Prince after the earthquake. His mom was bathing Johnny when it hit and ran out of the house. His twin brother however, didn’t make it. Johnny remembers everything that happened that day. My heart broke at that moment. I understood why we bonded so well after he knew that I was a twin. All we did was look at each other and hold hands, but I understood a deeper part of him and he understood a deeper part of me. He knows what its like to have the closest relationship you could ever have with someone. He understands the love between Cam and me.  She completes a lot of who I am. She has never left my side, and being away for six weeks has been one of the most challenging changes I’ve had to deal with. I literally could never picture living my life without her, and to know that Jimmy lost His other half breaks my heart. I said to the group today, “I was able to embrace him and the hurt he must feel because I share that same love he had with his twin brother with cam, and it is the strongest love in the world. “

I miss you Camy, I know God changed your world in Haiti, and now He’s changing mine. Not a minute goes by without you in my thoughts and prayers. You are loved deeply, by God, the Kids, and Me! I am more than proud of you and what you have accomplished for the Lord. I love you more than you can imagine.
After hearing Johnny’s story I looked around the orphanage and just watched the kids playing and laughing. I thought to myself, “Everyone of these Kids have a story.” They have all been hurt in some way. Whether it’s from being abandoned, being found after the earthquake, being rescued, being sick, or being abused, each child is here for a reason. I can see Christ in every single one of them and I know that He heals, He comforts, and He loves His children.  I am beyond blessed to me here. 

His Name Rescues

“No matter how difficult the road, or how dark the night, I will hold onto you."      

Today was a day I will never forget. It was life changing. It was the day I knew God had prepared for me my whole life.  While I was walking across the border this morning a little boy followed me the entire way with his hand on his stomach and his other hand out to me saying, “hungry.” I knew I couldn’t give him anything and I was trying to remind myself to stay strong. After hearing it over and over and having him pull on my arm I felt God pulling with him. I knew that I couldn’t walk away from this little one this time. God wanted him to follow me for a reason and He put me as the leader for a reason. I put my around him and said come with me. I walked him over near the village where they had bottled drinks. I bent down toward him, looked him right in the eyes as I was crying and said, “Kisa ou vIe?” (What do you want?) His face lit up, he was in shock that he was about to get something to drink. I gave all the money I had and then went on to the orphanage. The call of Christ is a powerful thing, and when the God of the heavens tells you to step in and help, you cant ignore that. He provided for that child through me and it’s something I will never forget. He deserves all the praise.

After I sang and danced around with the kids, Karris and Brenda took me to see the three children that they will be bringing in to the orphanage this week. We drove on the motorcycles on the way there. It was so fun! When we got to the church where the children were and we met with the people who rescued them. The mother to the little girl and boy was horribly abusive. She punched her daughter in the mouth until some of her teeth came out. And she has burns on her legs from where her mother would take a hot iron and whip her with it. The mother of Jimmy (the baby boy) drowned his two brothers and then abandoned him. I cant describe how I felt the moment I looked at the little angels knowing where they came from, but also knowing where they are about to go. In times like those when its hard to understand why God allows those things to happen, you just have to remind yourself that His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts.  I don’t understand God sometimes but I trust Him. Although those children were abandoned and abused, their Father in heaven never left them.

He rescued them by bringing Karris, Danita and Brenda into this life. These beautiful women have made it so that His children have a safe place to go.  They have made it so those kids wont have to live in fear or completely alone, but live in the arms of our God. They have rescued many lives through Christ. They have sacrificed everything in their life so that they can bring life to these kids. Rice and beans for every meal will get old. Raising 500 kids is a challenge. Being away from their family sometimes hurts, and the heat will never cool down. But anyone of them will tell, “I have the best life.” It’s not about the food, the money, the clothes, and the material things. Those things will be gone one day. What matters is how you serve our God, whose lives you change, and the glory, the love, and the praise you give to Jesus.  They are a light in this world. They are the hope, the love, the comfort, and the mothers that these kids need. Knowing how God has provided for these children, and have carried them through their pain and their suffering is truly amazing. I am so in love with our Savior. 
His name saves and His name rescues. 

Pure Love

Ephesians 3:20-21 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

Today was one of the happiest days of my life. We started out the morning dancing and singing to Jesus. The rest of the day was filled with games, crafts, and just holding and loving on the kids. The kids were out of control excited! The simplest things bring them so much Joy, and because of that they inspire me in so many ways. The older kids at the orphanage are a little hard to get through. They understand “missionaries,” how you’re in their life one week and then the next week your gone. But I made it a mission today to talk with some of the older Kids about their life dreams and their relationship with Christ. This beautiful girl named Emma is very quiet to people she doesn’t know, but I broke down that wall a little bit. I introduced myself and started asking her what she wants to be. She wants to be a designer. Just like me! One little boy wants to be a doctor, and this little girl Tabitha (she’s my little angel) who latched onto me all day said all said all she wants to do is fall in love. It’s amazing to look into these kid’s eyes and know that the Lord is going to use their stories and who they are to magnify Him and His Kingdom. I told them that they can do absolutely anything they set their minds to and I can’t wait to see where God takes them and how He uses them in their life.

Lunique is a little boy I spent a lot of time with today. Danita and the amazing women here took Him in after the earthquake. He had to have his arm amputated and as Karris told me today, “He has been traumatized.” Although his smile is so real and big, as I look into his eyes, I can see the hurt He has been through. But what’s more amazing is you can see the working hand of Jesus Christ in His eyes. He held my hand most of the day. I left Him for about 5 minutes and He came running to me absolutely soaking wet from having water dumped on Him during the game. He was laughing so hard haha. He was trying to change by himself but was having trouble.   As I helped him undress and change his clothes I was thinking about God and how no matter what conditions we are in, how many challenges we have faced, or what we have lost, He will help us every step of the way. We always try to do things on our own, but then God steps in and says, “Let me help you, you can’t do this alone.”  Lunic taught me so much today about life and about God. We didn’t talk a whole lot, but through his actions and his love that he continued to give me throughout the day, I was able to get to know who my God is even more. I love that little boy!

Another little one fell down today and busted his lip. He started crying and just didn’t stop for the longest time. I held Him in my arms, rocking him back and forth singing “Jesus loves you.” He would just melt into me and lay His head on my shoulder. I could have stayed there all day long. As I was holding him I noticed that my shorts started getting wet…and then I realized. He had a little accident but I did not even care! Haha. I just kept holding him because he was crying. I loved him as if he was my own child! I have so many amazing stories from today. My heart was filled with so much joy and just pure love. The children embrace me, just as I embrace them. Even if they have one arm, or they are handicapped, or we have trouble communicating, they teach me more than I could ever teach them. I adore them. This is where my heart is. Thank you Jesus! 

Crossing Over

 "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 

Today was Market day at the border. Which meant we were going to be crossing the border through thousands of people Dominicans and Haitians. It was like trying to push through a Justin Bieber concert to get to the stage. Is was a crazy! You had to push people, and let them push you.  As I was walking through I walked with my head down because I was a little scared, but as I was walking I felt God speak to me saying, “Walk with your head held high, you are carrying My name and I will protect you.”  He was protecting me, and I know as I walk Christ shines through me, no matter where I am. While trying to get through you have the Dominicans yelling at you; they have so much anger built inside from the poverty and the lifestyle they live in everyday.  I saw so many children that didn’t have any clothes and they were just crying.  No one would pick them up or hold them and tell them it was going to be okay. They were standing in the middle of piles and piles of trash and liter. A lot of the little boys at the border are sold into human trafficking. My heart breaks when I look at my brothers, but I have to think of what God says in Psalm 46, “Be still, and know that I am God.” I said a prayer at that moment and although I wanted nothing more than to take all of the kids under my arm, God said to me, “I am holding them with my righteous right hand…I have them under my wing.” Though the circumstances didn’t seem like that, you have to know and trust that God is with all of His children. He doesn’t pick and choose who He comforts and who He loves. But our God is all -knowing, all-loving, and all-powerful and He holds the universe in His hands.

The children will run after you as you walk to the border and they will look you right in the eyes and hold out their hand asking for money. Even if you have some you cant give them anything. If you do they will bring the money back to their parents and they will be horribly abused for not brining back enough. Although that breaks my heart, I find peace in knowing who my God is and what He is saying during those times. God would say to those children, “You being you, and giving your life to me is more than enough.” He doesn’t ask anything from us but just to BELIEVE.  I know that Jesus will meet them right where they are and those wounds will be healed by His powerful, and unconditional love. It has been an amazing, eye opening, and challenging experience so far. God is moving in me and in the kids more and more everyday. Haiti is my heaven. I am beyond blessed. 

"Waiting here for You"

"Just as the Father has sent me, I also send you." John 20:21

Today was my first day in Haiti. This morning I drove from Santiago on a crazy, long car ride to Dajabon where I am staying. The drive was mind blowing driving through some of the worst poverty I have ever seen. I can't tell you how many children and mothers I saw under trees, or on the side of the road just waiting. I wondered what they do all day, but thats what they do. They wait; they wait for food, for water, they wait for someone to come and bring them hope. They wait for that light in there life to turn on. I thought to myself, "Lord, they are waiting for you." I wanted so badly to get out of the car and let them know, that our Father in heaven, the one who knows their name, and the one who never leaves is coming. I don't know when it will be, or how long they will spend each day being still but I do know that He is alive, and He is ON HIS WAY. And one day we will all be able to see Jesus face to face. I learned a lot from just watching the people. I learned that life doesn't always have to be so hectic. Your days don't need to be so full with plans and ideas. I learned to stop being anxious about the future and trying to see whats ahead. I need to be still, and wait for God to come along the side of the road and bring me His plans, and His ideas for my life. And while I am waiting, I need to be praising. Praising Him for His guidance, His grace and His faithfulness.
 As we pulled up to the orphanage in Haiti my Heart was about to beat out of my chest. The orphanage is absolutely beautiful and the wonderful leaders who inspire me more than anything have made it a home for 500 kids. As I walked up towards the church and I could hear the children singing praises to God, the energy for the Lord in that room was overwhelming. They started singing "Hosanna" in creole and I was singing it in English. That moment just re-defined for me what it means when we say, "We are the body of Christ." It doesn't matter where your from, what language you speak, or how old you are but it's about who you serve. And we all serve the same Father, we are all His hands and His feet. When the church service was over all the kids would just rush straight towards us and latch on to our legs and arms. I could hug those kids all day long. I spent some time with some of the special needs kids. Some were autistic, this one baby girl has hydrocephalous, and two of the baby boys I was with have cerebral palsy. I couldn't communicate with any of them verbally, but we got to connect of a much greater level. I looked right into their eyes and smiled, and they smiled right back at me. I prayed over each of them and as I saw Christ in them, they saw Him in me also. His presence was in all of us and it was such a special moment. God is doing amazing things. I have been challenged, and I have been moved in so many ways already. Please continue to pray for me! I am beyond blessed.

                       We come here wanting them to learn from us, but really we are learning from them.
                                                           May God bless these angels.

"He Will Repay"

"When you give to the poor, you lend to God, and He will repay" Proverbs 19:17



Today as I walked into the airport, I literally thought my heart was going to explode with excitement (even though it was 4:30 am.) As I was getting my boarding pass ready the screen popped up and said, "Your flight has been canceled." Which meant I was going to miss my connecting flight in Miami. Which meant I will be traveling to the Dominican without my team. My heart sank to my stomach, I closed my eyes and felt God wrap His arms around me and tell me, "I'll get you there." I had no idea how He was going to do that, but I knew He was cause He's God! After hours of phone calls, and trying to get on another flight, God opened a door for me. A flight to Miami with only one seat left. Although I was extremely thankful, it costs 600 dollars to change the flight. I almost said no because we do not have that money to just throw out there. But I remembered what God tells us, "When you give to the poor you lend to God and He will repay." By me going on this trip, no matter what it costs, or how long it takes to get there I am lending to God by serving and giving to His children. And I find peace and comfort in knowing that my God WILL repay. Imagine God repaying us anything and imagine being able to lend to our Father? I stand in awe of Him.
When God calles you on a mission, He doesn't promise it will be easy, but it will be worth it. It has been a long journey with so many twists and turns to get to where I am about to be. First I was going to Uganda for a month out of my summer. Then God turned that around and wanted to send me somewhere different. Although there was a lot of confusion, and frustration as my dream to Uganda didn't work and I had already raised all the money to go, God was pulling on my heart telling me, "I will never mislead you." You can never limit Him, He can do anything He wants and you have to know and trust that it is whats best.  Up till now I have had to be patient and wait for my time to go on this mission trip. It hasn't been easy. But as I have spent a lot of alone time with the Lord before this trip I realized that sometimes  you need to be your own mission field. Figure out who you are in Christ more and more each day. Rest in the stillness in your life, thats when you can hear God the most. And when things seem to not make any since, thats when God has the most freedom to move. So let Him move, let Him pull you in a complete different direction than you had planned. Let Him test you, your faith will grow. Let Him guide you, He knows where He's going. Allow Him to pursue you, He will use you to magnify His kingdom and He will bless your heart more than you can imagine.  I have learned all of this as I have spent over a month resting in His hands, and trusting Him with everything I have. And now I know that as I get on the plane today, this was the end result. This was the trip He had in mind. This is why He moved me, He guided me, He tested me, and He spoke to me. I am beyond blessed!

                                         Karris and some of the kids! Cant wait to hug all of you!

Matthew 20:28

"Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve."

I am about to embrace a remarkable journey that God has planned for my life. I leave for Haiti in 1 day. God has been preparing my heart for a while now, and i am more than ready to share His name, His fame, and His love to my brothers and sisters in Haiti.  Something that has been so clear to me as I reflect back on this year is that God works in mysterious ways. He has shaken my world up this past year as I have gone through so many changes and challenges that I never pictured happening. In the midst of the change, and the heartbreak; in the midst of all the confusion and the hardships life threw at me, God knew exactly what He was doing. He was preparing me for my mission in Haiti.  People ask me all the time, "How has your year been?" I always say, "It has been the hardest year of my life, but definitely the best." Through the dark days, and trying to overcome the challenges, I got to know my Savior more and more each day. I didn't just know Him as God, but i began to know Him as my EVERYTHING. He is my healer, my father, my strength, my love, and He truly is the only thing I need in this life. When you rest if Gods arms everyday, and give Him every ounce of you, you begin to feel His presence. You begin to hear Him, and get a glimpse of what all He has in store for you...it's beautiful. It took God moving my world upside down for me to understand exactly where He wants me. Iv'e learned that it might take your dreams being moved, having the ones you love leave, and your plans not going your way to understand His mission for your life; It might take a lot of tears, a lot of prayer, and more trust than you can imagine, but in the end you know that God keeps His promises. And that is that He will never mislead you. God will never forsake you. He will give and take away, and place you where you need to be placed.  You have to trust that it's not to harm you, or hurt you, but it's to reveal to you His perfect plan for your life.
So with all that said, I know that this journey I am about to face was all a part of His plan. God has taken away a lot of things in my life this year, but I know it's because He wanted me to have clear vision of the mission He planned for me. So as I go and carry His name to Haiti, I am certain that it is where I am supposed to be. It is where He has sent me. I will be holding the hands of many children, I will be helping them express themselves through the beauty of art and dance. I will be helping restore the broken hearts and help rebuild what has been destroyed. I will be sharing the good news of the gospel, and through it all I will be praising, and magnifying our Lord, Jesus Christ. Please continue to pray for me during my time in Haiti. Thank you to everyone who has supported me and continued to cover me with prayer. I am beyond Blessed.

"The King will reply, 'Truly i tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:40